To Tell or Not To Tell...

“To tell or not to tell” is one of the biggest dilemmas that sexual abuse survivors face. Sometimes children are silenced by threats, both real and imagined. Sometimes the adults silence them because they did not know how to handle the information or who chose not to face it. Sometimes they were silenced by their own guilt and shame because they assumed that they were responsible for what had happened to them. Last of all some were silenced when they tried to tell a believer about their abuse and the person interrupted their story and told them they just needed to forgive, which just shut them down with all of the pain still inside.

We believe that for healing to occur that it is important for survivors to tell their stories in a safe environment such as a therapist’s office or in a support group that deals with this topic. There are at least five reasons that it is important to tell our stories. First, emotional energy is discharged when one tells their story. I had buried my emotions so deep that I actually had to tell it several times before I could tap into my stuffed emotions and release the pain, anger, and anxiety inside.

Another reason it is important for us to tell our stories is that if we can not verbalize it or even mentally acknowledge what was done to us and the impact that it has had on our life, the forgiveness we offer is shallow and the grace we are offering is really cheapened. It is like we have forgiven a concept rather than an actual sin perpetrated against our bodies and our soul. I believe that when we forgive like Christ wants us to with full awareness that it is truly an act of God in our hearts.

If we can face the truth of our stories then we can also make healthier choices for our families and ourselves. As the women in our groups share their stories with each other it is very common for them to all of a sudden realize that a behavior they had excused as normal was in truth inappropriate and unhealthy. When there is silence about abuse there is a huge potential for abusive behaviors or dysfunction that allow it to be perpetrated from generation to generation. In 2 Timothy 2, Paul warned people about men who were false teachers who were destroying the faith. He even named them by name, so it is okay for us to confront sin and report it to protect children.

Another reason to tell is that it breaks the silence. We were created like God with a need to communicate and relate. When we were silenced about our abuse we most likely began to be silent about all sorts of other things. God desires us to be free to be verbal and to be expressive.

Finally, we will never be able to fully understand God’s redemptions when we choose to deny, rewrite, or lie about our story. Every year as I sit and hear the women’s stories and then watch them grow it becomes more and more obvious how God has plucked them out of horrible circumstance and brought them together to do a wonderful work in their hearts and in their lives. God is not just a God who saves, He is a God who heals. So are you willing, as one lady in our group put it, to share your story to release the power of silence?