To Tell or Not To Tell...

“To tell or not to tell” is one of the biggest dilemmas that sexual abuse survivors face. Sometimes children are silenced by threats, both real and imagined. Sometimes the adults silence them because they did not know how to handle the information or who chose not to face it. Sometimes they were silenced by their own guilt and shame because they assumed that they were responsible for what had happened to them. Last of all some were silenced when they tried to tell a believer about their abuse and the person interrupted their story and told them they just needed to forgive, which just shut them down with all of the pain still inside.

We believe that for healing to occur that it is important for survivors to tell their stories in a safe environment such as a therapist’s office or in a support group that deals with this topic. There are at least five reasons that it is important to tell our stories. First, emotional energy is discharged when one tells their story. I had buried my emotions so deep that I actually had to tell it several times before I could tap into my stuffed emotions and release the pain, anger, and anxiety inside.

Another reason it is important for us to tell our stories is that if we can not verbalize it or even mentally acknowledge what was done to us and the impact that it has had on our life, the forgiveness we offer is shallow and the grace we are offering is really cheapened. It is like we have forgiven a concept rather than an actual sin perpetrated against our bodies and our soul. I believe that when we forgive like Christ wants us to with full awareness that it is truly an act of God in our hearts.

If we can face the truth of our stories then we can also make healthier choices for our families and ourselves. As the women in our groups share their stories with each other it is very common for them to all of a sudden realize that a behavior they had excused as normal was in truth inappropriate and unhealthy. When there is silence about abuse there is a huge potential for abusive behaviors or dysfunction that allow it to be perpetrated from generation to generation. In 2 Timothy 2, Paul warned people about men who were false teachers who were destroying the faith. He even named them by name, so it is okay for us to confront sin and report it to protect children.

Another reason to tell is that it breaks the silence. We were created like God with a need to communicate and relate. When we were silenced about our abuse we most likely began to be silent about all sorts of other things. God desires us to be free to be verbal and to be expressive.

Finally, we will never be able to fully understand God’s redemptions when we choose to deny, rewrite, or lie about our story. Every year as I sit and hear the women’s stories and then watch them grow it becomes more and more obvious how God has plucked them out of horrible circumstance and brought them together to do a wonderful work in their hearts and in their lives. God is not just a God who saves, He is a God who heals. So are you willing, as one lady in our group put it, to share your story to release the power of silence?

First Night

I remember the first time I walked into a support group to work on my past abuse. I looked around at the other ladies and realized that by being there, each one of us was telling the other ladies we had been sexually abused. I felt so alone. I felt a few tremors of terror and vulnerable rising to the surface and pushed them down as I was so used to doing. In fact I was so shut down that when some of the women cried that night, I truly wondered what their tears were about. I envied them at some level, because I don’t know that anyone in the group understood I was in as much pain as they were. Nor do those women know that I finally was able to get to my tears and experience the healing they had from crying. I remember at first it was hard for me to focus on my own stuff and not step into a caretaker role, which was how I had avoided my own pain. I remember doing all I could to protect my own heart from more pain that first night. However, it was not long before I was impacted by each of their stories and loved them and prayed daily for them. Out of knowing and loving those women, came my desire to lead A Passionate Heart group. Even though I never got to the deep pain until after the group, God used the precious ladies to help me get to it so He could heal it. I invite you to write on the blog what you feeling about walking into your group for the first time. You can use a false name if you like…just remember to respect the confidentiality of your group and only share your own heart. We are praying that God would reveal His tenderhearted compassion as He walks with us through this year of your healing journey.

Welcome!

Thank you for visiting the Passionate Heart Ministry Blog! We want this to be a place where we can share our stories. Please feel free to jump on in!